There are some things that I can’t dwell on too much or my brain has a small meltdown.
Aeroplanes for example.
How does a large coke can move through the sky with no strings?
Space travel. WTF?
How can a tin can LEAVE THE ATMOSPHERE WITH A HUMAN INSIDE AND FLOAT AROUND AND THEN COME BACK?
Even more perplexing – WiFi
How is the internet floating all around us. Invisible.
All the information in the world is just floating about waiting for a device to pick it up.
I get a headache just thinking about these things.
There is only one thing more baffling than these freakishly impossible things.
Why, If I’m sat in the same room and ask her to do something she can’t hear yet if I’m sneaking a bit of chocolate in the kitchen she hears it from miles away?
Why does he consider a headbutt a sign of love and affection?
Why does she loves chicken (and “actual dead fish”) at school but not at home?
Why does she like pasta, sauce, chorizo and bacon cooked in a pan but if I cook it in the oven it’s the worst thing in the world?
Why is she too tired to get out of bed to shut her bedroom door but OK to come to the top of the stairs to let me know?
Why doesn’t he want his socks on? Ever. He wants no one else to have their socks on either.
Why doesn’t she remember what she had for lunch at school but know she ate it all up?
Why does he announces the end of every meal by throwing his plate?
Why doesn’t she remember what she did at school but knows exactly what one of her friends did?
Why doesn’t she know the answer but does know that I am most definitely wrong?
Why does she declare a love of cucumber but won’t eat it?
Why does he store his drink in his mouth for AGES then spit it all over the floor?
Why can’t she possibly write neatly or stay in the lines in her homework book, she most definitely can’t draw and label a picture but her friend’s birthday card contains a well written and perfectly illustrated essay?
Why can’t she sit quietly for 3 minutes while the news is on but can be deadly silent whilst Shimmer and Shine is on?
Why does she feel the need to alert me to her misdemeanors via the medium of song? She could get away with so much more if she didn’t feel the need to soundtrack her life.
Why can he barely makes sentences but can repeat anything he hears? ANYTHING.
Why do they love crap TV like Topsy & Tim or Max & Ruby* but not enjoy Hey Duggee quite as much as me?
Why does she have to make really shrill noises when I hoover or use the blender?
Why can she have 3 napkins yet still use her sleeve to wipe her mouth?
Why does he decide he absolutely MUST pick up the very important stone the minute we’re about to step into the road? If I really have no hands free he must attempt to eat it too.
Why, when they are tired, do they want to stay awake even more?
Why do they always want Daddy more than me? (Especially if he isn’t here).
Why do they insist on growing up so flipping fast?
Why won’t they give me a minute just to stop and take them all in.
*Seriously, where are Max & Ruby’s parents? Why is she, a mere child of a rabbit looking after her little brother. Grandma lives really close, why doesn’t she chip in or alert the relevant authorities? Also, Why is Ruby such a bitch to Max? All he wants to do is play with his truck or something and she won’t let him. Clearly the loco parentis responsibility has gone right to her head.