Holiday wardrobe wish list (of a dreamer)

Anna — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 05:00:08 +0000

Via Love The Sales Last week I told you how we’d booked our holiday and was getting ready to begin the arduous and predictable task of buying holiday clothes. Well, as anticipated, it has thus far been as fruitless and soul destroying a task as I had anticipated. All the beautiful clothes are for beautiful people. All the clothes for me (aside from the poplin trousers) are boxy and vast, if they meet my strict requirements at all! I have simple wants: A swimsuit A skirt A dress A pair of nice sandals A top Or a number of each of these items. It should be easy right? I think part of my problem is I never look much further than supermarket clothes (which are OK). I’ve belittled myself into a corner where I won’t even look at ‘nice’ places as they probably won’t make fat clothes and besides, my income is very little nothing so I don’t look at pricier stuff. I know, I know, tiny violins. Now is the time of year when bloggers are going summer wardrobe mad. It’s all ‘The summer capsule wardrobe’ or ‘How to get summer ready’ or ‘the most fantastic sandals ever’ or ‘Summer wish lists’. So I decided to make myself feel better (or utterly destroy myself) I would make my own ‘wish list’ but it will be the wish list of me if I were 10 years younger, 4 stone lighter, half a foot taller, beautiful and employed. So here is *drumroll* The Holiday wish list of a middle-aged mum dreamer. Given that I am ‘long term girlfriend’ to an accountant, his frugal ways have rubbed off on me and so I decided to see what bargains were to be had in the sales. Just because fantasy me had a job I’m not going to fritter all my money on clothes! The first thing I found was a swimsuit for £6, WINNER. What could be wrong with it? Well, even fantasy me draws the line at ridiculous tan lines. That can’t even be comfortable can it ? CAN IT? Unless you have no soft at all you’d be seeping through all the gaps. It’s just not even practical, or pretty. Fantasy me has a slightly bigger budget! Because fantasy me likes the retro vibe, the even tan and absolutely does not need any boob or tummy support. Everything is absolutely where it should be and stays there. Because fantasy me has children who don’t wipe their faces all over my clothes and so can wear white without worrying about messes. Because fantasy me could totally glide around looking elegant in this. She has long enough legs that she won’t trip herself over and she has £200 to spend on a dress!?! Because fantasy me loves this retro pattern and could walk in these no problem, even after a vin rouge or two! In fact, real life me really likes these too. It’s my birthday soon. #justsaying Because fantasy me has a quirky side along with abs of steel. If you’ve got ’em flaunt ’em. Besides, who doesn’t want to spend £71 on a t-shirt? It’s made of cotton, not gold! I did think that compiling this list would be easy as a skinnier, younger me but it wasn’t. It seems what’s fashionable just isn’t for me! This is probably going to be my actual holiday look this year, just a little less Emma Thompson facially.

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Creating the perfect summer wardrobe…..Or not.

Anna — Mon, 12 Jun 2017 05:00:18 +0000

We’ve just booked our Summer holiday….HOORAY! It was a bit of a faff to be honest, long story short; We were meant to go to Czech. Rory’s work plans didn’t oblige. Said work plans ensured the only time we could go away was the very first week of the school holidays. Everyone else in the world was better prepared than us and had booked nearly all the places. But we did it, we got decent flights and, hopefully, a lovely place to stay. Now I can look forward to making lists, planning plans, buying the children more shorts and sandals and checking how much better the weather is there than here (four times a day). It’s all gravy baby. Except not quite, it’s time to create the perfect summer wardrobe, which is never perfect. I need to buy a swimming costume. URGH. All the websites are telling me how to get beach ready and create the perfect summer look, but they’ve never met met and my body. We are non-conformist. Swimwear today is a joke, all the fashionable ones have bits cut out of them, not only does that make for a dodgy tan but there’s bulges popping out where they really shouldn’t. I’d look like someone cut the top off a sausage and squeezed. A scaffolding type swimming costume is all good and well, but that blubber has to go somewhere. There’s only two places it can go, up or down. Neither is a pleasant sight. Getting in to this firmer swimwear is a challenge in itself. I find myself hidden in the bathroom, this isn’t a task I need to undertake with Rory or my children bursting in. It’s warm. I start getting into the outfit and pulling it up. Due to it’s heavy duty nature it takes time and effort. It (I) gets warmer. It gets more difficult. It swiftly turns into the episode of Friends, you know, the one with Ross and the leather pants. I really don’t see what was wrong with the Victorian style bloomers and dress affair! I’d proper rock that look. By the time I’m all squeezed in, I’m feeling pretty fragile and not much in the mood to parade the promenade or swim. Instead I whack a sarong on and breeze along the shore (looking like an escaped wedding marquee). Why can’t ‘they’ just make a comfy and flattering swimsuit that maybe sucks the flob away? I hate buying swimwear. In fact no. I hate buying clothes full stop. I always consider myself a trendy, hip, down with the yoof sort then I look into a mirror and realise it’s all in my head. As a ‘larger’ lady pushing middle age I just don’t know what I’m meant to wear these days without looking like a twat. The Perfect Summer Wardrobe I’m a girl with simple tastes. I love a nice vintage frock, unfortunately they aren’t cheap and Seth doesn’t allow for pretty clothes and shoes, using me as a human tissue. And I’m OK with skinny jeans but I like a long top with sleeves. These modern day clothes just aren’t practical for a lady of lump like myself. Dresses are either all super short or to the ankle. I have fat knees so short isn’t a preferable choice and, as Rory kindly and frequently points out, I am short of leg and so maxi dresses look a bit odd on me. I also trip over them a lot/hoover them up. I oft wear a dress with jeans or leggings, which is fine, but these new modern day sleeves are a massive pain in the arse. You know the ones I’m on about, ‘cold shoulder’ sleeves, or sleeves with gaps. In essence, they’re actually a good idea, they cover the bingo wings a treat and provide a useful gap for breeze. BUT they always have this silly knotted thing which means wearing a cardigan is a no no as it creates a tiny, puny muscle effect. If dresses and tops don’t have these sleeves they tend to be ‘Bardot’ style, (no bra isn’t an option and shouldn’t be considered by anyone over 30 – you’re never as pert as you think), sleeveless or cap sleeved. That means I have to swealter in a cardigan and abstain from enthusiastic waving. Tops are so short as well, I need one that goes to my hips at least, I don’t need my midriff hanging out at any given opportunity, it all needs trussing up! So essentially. If, like me, you’re an overweight, middle-aged woman, it seems society wants us to wear only one uniform. Sensible ‘poplin’ style trousers – black or navy. A jersey t-shirt – bright pink. A cardigan – zipped. Walking shoes – the chunkier and duller the better. Although I’m trying to fight it with every essence of my being, I can feel I am being slowly but surely pushed into the realm of drab mumwear. Change is coming and I don’t like it. I’m off to buy some sensible trousers.

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Holiday wardrobe wish list (of a dreamer)

Creating the perfect summer wardrobe…..Or not.