compassion Archives : Me, Annie Bee. https://meanniebee.com/tag/compassion/ A not so serious blog about family, life & wine. Thu, 23 Aug 2018 18:07:40 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.3 https://meanniebee.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/cropped-MABFav-32x32.png compassion Archives : Me, Annie Bee. https://meanniebee.com/tag/compassion/ 32 32 125685776 Sowing the seeds… https://meanniebee.com/2016/10/10/sowing-the-seeds/ https://meanniebee.com/2016/10/10/sowing-the-seeds/#respond Mon, 10 Oct 2016 10:49:40 +0000 http://meanniebee.com/?p=595 The other day we took the children to Waitrose cafe for a treat (how terribly posh!?). As we sat, dragging the standards down, a dad and his son who looked about 11 sat at the table next to us ( I assume it was a Dad and son, it was definitely a preteen boy and his responsible adult). As I sat sipping my free coffee I overheard part of their conversation “Do you have homework this weekend?” “Yes” “Well, we’ll get it done when we get in… It’s important you work hard” “Why?” “Well if you don’t, you’ll end up with some crummy job. You don’t want to work in a shop or something crummy like that do you?” “something inaudible” “You want to go to university, you’ll have great fun”* That snippet of conversation made me sad and a little mad on a few counts and not just because the tone in the Dad’s voice made it seem like working in a shop was the worst thing this boy could ever do with his life. “You kicked a dog? Nevermind” “You work in a shop? Why you crummy little good for nothing…” I am totally for letting our children believe they can be anything they want to be . ANYTHING. They can be an astronaut, a teacher, a shop assistant, a waitress, a dental nurse. ANYTHING. We’ve just got to remind them that whatever they choose won’t make them better or worse than anyone else. It’s sad that the adult was instilling into the child that the shop assistant was only such because they didn’t try hard enough at life. If it wasn’t for the lowly shop assistant WHO WOULD SELL HIM HIS ELDERFLOWER AND POMEGRANATE JUICE EH??? The other thing that really sat uncomfortably with me was what if this boy didn’t WANT to go to university in the future? Not everyone does, but would he have the niggling feeling that he was letting his Dad down because he isn’t aspiring to greatness? Will he be considered a failure, deemed to have not worked hard enough? He is basically being told that you work hard, go to university and get a ‘good’ job or you don’t work hard and you get a ‘crummy’ job. Or. There are two very different kinds of people, hard workers and slackers. That’s not how life is. Some people work hard, have ‘menial’ jobs and earn less money. They’re happy because they have a great home and family life. Some people work hard, have great careers, earn lots of money and are terribly unhappy because they’re too busy to enjoy their life and family. Us adults need to remember that we’re also responsible for moulding the minds of our small humans. We’re responsible for making sure our children grow up nice, kind and open minded. We’re responsible for making sure our children treat EVERYONE with respect and as equals. We need to remember that throw away comments can manifest and grow in a negative way. I wanted to say to that little boy “Yes go home and do your homework, try your best at everything you do but remember, you’re just a child. It doesn’t last long so just enjoy it. And when you grow up, do whatever you want to do as long as it makes you happy. Be the best you, you can be.” *Or as my brain heard it “Son, you can either be an obnoxious twat like me or someone who serves obnoxious twats”

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]]> https://meanniebee.com/2016/10/10/sowing-the-seeds/feed/ 0 595 Are YOU a Supermum? https://meanniebee.com/2016/04/06/are-you-a-supermum-perfect-mum/ https://meanniebee.com/2016/04/06/are-you-a-supermum-perfect-mum/#comments Wed, 06 Apr 2016 09:42:00 +0000 https://meanniebee.wordpress.com/2016/04/06/are-you-a-supermum I happened across this article unhelpfully entitled Are you a SUPERMUM? Top 40 signs of the ‘perfect mother’ REVEALED. Needless to say, it has made me rather cross.   To outline the article – ‘research’ has revealed a ‘definitive guide’ on how to achieve ‘perfect mother status’. OR 2000 women were asked what they thought made a ‘Perfect Mum’. No actual science occured during this research. Apparently 57% of us mums know someone who has the downright cheek of attempting to portray themselves as a ‘perfect mum’. 60% of the women asked find these women “irritating” and almost 75% dislike it when these mums “show off” their achievements on social media. So much for the sisterhood….. This article has really gripped my tits and not only because I don’t tick all 40 boxes. (PTA? Pffft. If I have a spare evening I’d rather spend it in the pub NOT talking about my babies thankyouverymuch) EDIT-since writing this post two years ago, I have actually joined the PTA…Who’d have thunk it?! The list has the ability to shame working mums who simply don’t have the time to undertake all 40 tasks of ‘perfectness’ whilst simultaneously shaming non working mums who do have the time to do these things but are apparently only doing so in an attempt to be ‘perfect mums’. God forbid some of us actually think manners are an essential for everyone or enjoy baking from scratch and maybe even did it BEFORE we had children… With articles like this on the loose maybe we’re all, working or non working, busy trying to portray ourselves as ‘perfect mums’ because some idiot is going to come along and ask us to judge one another on our parenting skills. I can’t help but think that those women who are irritated by ‘perfect mums’ are so because they’re comparing themselves to these other mums. STOP IT. JUST STOP IT. If your child is being well looked after then YOU ARE a perfect mum. You don’t need a list to tell you how to do it and if your way is different to someone else then that’s OK. As Yo Gabba Gabba tells us, it’s good to be different. My personal check list on being a perfect mum is: They’re alive They’ve had food They’re happy If I have achieved these by the end of each day I consider myself a winner. And those women who ‘dislike’ the (not actually) perfect mums ‘showing off’ on social media? Well, they’d do well to consider that maybe the mums aren’t ‘showing off’. Maybe they’re trying to convince everyone that they’re coping when they actually feel like they’re not. Possibly they’re proud of doing something they didn’t think they could do. It could be that they’re trying to find a positive in a day full of tantrums and shitty nappies. Maybe it’s the closest thing to talking to another adult that day. Maybe they’re actually equally as irritated of seeing pictures of your food/cat/vodka. It works both ways. I don’t know what the article hoped to achieve other than to encourage unnecessary comparisson and strike up bitterness and self doubt in mums who already worry if they’re ‘doing it right’. Well mums you ARE doing it right. Have confidence that your way is the right way and don’t let anyone else tell you any different. If you bake a cake or make a costume from scratch be proud and show the world. If you buy a cake and a costume from a shop, be proud and show the world. Neither is right and neither is wrong. We all have different skill sets and that’s OK. Let’s stop judging each other on how we ‘Mum’ and just focus on our own parenting. After all, we’re all our own harshest judges and no one needs that added pressure! My children think I’m a Supermum and that’s all the validation I need.    

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