The School Run.

Anna — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 05:00:56 +0000

My current ‘challenge’ is the school run. Let us start at the start. Seth, is nearly three, Aoife is six. She goes to school every day, as is required. Last Wednesday, on the way to school, Seth decided he’d have a lay down. This isn’t something new, he likes a little lay for a moment and then we carry on. Except on Wednesday he was up for a big lay. A lay and a play with his train. I finally coaxed him into standing up and walking, he did so for a few steps then he had another lay. He walked a few more steps and then had another lay. This time in a fresh bird shit, it’s amazing how it spreads – especially on the day you forgot wetwipes. We made it to school, slightly late but we were there. On the way home he walked fine. Later that day I announced it was time to get Aoife. “No thanks” he said “We don’t really have a choice” said I. This back and forth went on a while and we agreed he could go dressed as Buzz Lightyear. WIN. Or not. We got to the end of our street and he was telling me “no thanks”. We got to the main road, I was aware we were behind time. In true sods law fashion the traffic was ridiculously busy, there was finally a break so we stepped out and… “UH OH” “What?” I looked down and he’d taken his boot and sock off. Right there at the side of the road. “You’re fucking kidding me” I muttered and redressed his foot. We finally crossed the road and made it to the point where he’d had his first lay that morning. A little glimmer of memory flashed in his eyes and he lay down. I sometimes truly believe I live in a Truman Show type world where every thing is set up to get a reaction. Today’s show was clearly entitled ‘Let’s See How Much She Can Take Before She Breaks’. “Seriously Seth, you’re going to do this again? C’mon we’re LATE” “No thanks” I tried reasoning, bribery, racing. Nothing was shifting him. People were looking and that heat was building up inside. You know the one, it only occurs in parents. The heat starts building up, you become a little panicked as there will be consequences to this, you can’t fix it and you can’t fathom a way out. You’re failing AND PEOPLE ARE LOOKING. Luckily at this point, two lovely mums turned up and talked to me like everything was normal. Like I didn’t have Buzz Lightyear on reins, laying there. They pretended it wasn’t happening and I love them for that. It was the most fantastic thing to happen that day. Seth then decided he’d crawl the rest of the way to school. Even though he’s two, he’s a big chap. There I was walking down the road holding the reins of a crawling Buzz Lightyear trying to look like I gave zerofucks when I was actually dying a little inside. I heard comments likening him to a man dressed like a snail and a dog. I resisted the urge to dropkick the person and carried on like it was fine. I picked Aoife up from school and went home. Slowly. Now, as my boy is a creature of habit, this scenario has played out EVERY DAY since then. On Friday his refusal to leave the house even was such that I had to panic ring other parents to see if anyone could take Aoife to school. They couldn’t. I cried. Over the last few days I’ve had to carry him, drag him, beg him, he doesn’t do reasoning and he won’t move. I’m expecting Social Services at the door because to an outsider it must look like I’m mistreating him. Today it took 45 mins to do the 10 minute walk home from school. I had to carry him most of the way. It’s uphill, he’s 2 1/2 stone and I have a bad hip. I got home and cried. Again. It’s embarrassing and infuriating and I can’t see a way to get him to move. If one more person laughs I will not be responsible for my actions! And tomorrow I probably get to do it all again. The worst thing about this whole forlorn scenario is that the picture of him looks so bloody cute! EDIT Here’s an update to this sorry saga. Seth is still refusing to walk home from school for no other reason than “No thanks”. We’ve sat at the side of the road, I’ve tried to lift him but he drags his legs. He’s bent himself backwards and banged his head. He’s tried to crawl under a removal van. He’s collapsed himself in the middle of the road. As you read this we are on our way to France for a holiday. Please be safe in the knowledge that RIGHT NOW we are probably in Nice International airport lugging three cases and two children amidst thousands of travellers whilst Seth flops about on the floor saying “no thanks” and scary armed soldiers watch us wondering WTF is going on.

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You’ll never walk alone (with a toddler)

Anna — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 06:00:35 +0000

One of the THE most stressful part of my day is the walk home from school. It’s not far, a mile, it’s a slight incline all the way and it’s like being dragged about by a herd of rampaging wildebeest! It starts in the playground while we wait for Aoife, Seth sits on the floor in the mud. Sometimes he might have a little lay, a small roll around. I take a snack to try and keep him on his feet. He has been known to pick it off the floor and eat it. Then he has a little crawl in the mud, he is more than capable of walking but crawling is more fun. Interestingly he never crawled before he could walk. Once Aoife has been gathered the fun really begins. As we walk home he will stop to carefully select a stick, a few steps later he will discard that one for a bigger one, a few more steps and that one will be cast aside for what can only be described as a tree trunk. Thankfully with this windy weather of late there have been so many sticks to choose from. So many. Today he found a fantastic stick and proceeded to do his best Basil Fawlty impression on a complete strangers car! I try dragging him away but I swear his arms stretch. Next, I physically have to wrestle him from a pile of dog shit that he so desperately wants to stand in and I’m clearly the worst mummy for not letting him leap in it. Every puddle is stood in, every pile of leaves walked through and every grass verge traipsed on whether they’re in our line of walking or not. He has to touch every post and electricity box at a certain point on the way home. I sigh with despair knowing they’re probably covered in dog wee, hey, maybe even human wee. He has a little lie down on the way up the hill, every 5 metres maybe. When we are actually walking between rests he is turned around, back to back with me, facing back down the hill. My arm is constantly being wrenched out of its socket. He is blessed with a strength beyond his two and a half years, he possesses the strength of Thor Bjornsson! We get to the main road waiting to cross, he likes to tease the drivers, making out like he is going to step out in front of them. Obviously it won’t happen as I have a firm grip of him. Finally there’s a break in the traffic “let’s go” I say, Seth spots a stone he really needs, I trip over him, Aoife trips over me, we all land in a pile back on the curb and wait for another lull. Once we successfully start crossing he must stop in the middle of the road to jump a bit (as you do) or to watch the bus that’s heading directly toward us. “Bus!” he declares with glee. As we round the corner he attempts, sometimes successfully, to dehead some lovely rosebushes. I mean they were really lovely, the man in the house there puts a lot of time and effort into them. I should probably buy him some new roses… There are a few more piles of dog poo to fight over then we’re on the home stretch. He sticks his hand in the wheel of the neighbours 4×4, covers his hands in filth and then goes for a sprint finish. Once we get to the front door he says “ding dong” wanting me to lift him up to the bell. I look at him standing there. God knows what on his hands, in his hair, over his cherubic little face. “Not a chance”. The Tale of Mummyhood

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walking Archives : Me, Annie Bee.

The School Run.

You’ll never walk alone (with a toddler)