bad day Archives : Me, Annie Bee. https://meanniebee.com/tag/bad-day/ A not so serious blog about family, life & wine. Fri, 05 Oct 2018 12:37:35 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.3 https://meanniebee.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/cropped-MABFav-32x32.png bad day Archives : Me, Annie Bee. https://meanniebee.com/tag/bad-day/ 32 32 125685776 For my babies, a letter… https://meanniebee.com/2016/10/18/for-my-babies-a-letter/ https://meanniebee.com/2016/10/18/for-my-babies-a-letter/#comments Tue, 18 Oct 2016 18:40:17 +0000 http://meanniebee.com/?p=680 To my children. I may get uptight, I may seem sharp. I sometimes get cross. I often mutter “forfucksake” a lot under my breath. I get annoyed when you shout me at 3am because you need a wee and want company or even worse when you shout me then you’re asleep by the time I’ve dragged my tired arse to your room. I may spoil all your fun with comments like “get out of that box” “don’t pull the cat’s tail” or “stop leaping all over each other”. I might baby you by not letting you run off ahead with your friends. I may declare a need for wine on a regular basis. I may spend an afternoon wishing it were nearly your bedtime. I may sometimes wish for a holiday, just me and daddy. Or just me, I’m easy. I may seem strict when all you want to do is play. I may sometimes seem fed up or tired. I’m sorry. I spend a lot of time being climbed on and sat on, tiny, pointy elbows and knees jabbing me while you try to get comfortable. I spend a lot of time being hit in the face, sometimes it’s your frustration, sometimes it’s your eagerness to show me something terribly important. I spend a lot of time apologising to other people because you won’t share/you keep kicking/you walk into people/you don’t pay attention. I spend a lot of time listening to you tell me how unreasonable and awful I am because I won’t let you have this or do that (often after you’ve just had or done something pretty cool) I spend a lot of time hearing you shout at me for doing or making something wrong. I often hear how I am entirely responsible for you having the worst day EVER. I spend a lot of time defending myself while you laugh hysterically thinking knocking my glasses off my face is a great game.. I wish you’ll go and nap just so I can take an hour to sit quietly with a little bit of space. I feel like a terrible person for wanting that little bit of space. (Seriously though, an inch would do). I tell the other mum at school how grumpy and difficult you’ve been today because, y’know, naps are for losers. I instantly feel bad and wonder if I talk about your fantastic, hilarious and great moments so readily (these are abundant). I start to feel a bit warm on the inside and feel a tension rise when I feel like everyone is watching you shout and writhe in your buggy while I have no way of placating you. Once again I say to myself “roll on bedtime”. Believe it or not, everything I do is because I believe it’s the best for you. I may be right, I may be wrong. I want you to grow up to be well-mannered and I want you to be grateful for what you have. I want you to be nice people. I worry about how I’m bringing you up and sometimes my grumpiness is me fretting. Finally you’re both in bed, I pour a glass of wine and breathe a big sigh and I feel bad. I feel bad for every uttered swear, every sharp word, every exasperated yell. I wish you weren’t in bed so that I could give you a squishy cuddle and tell you I love you – I worry you’ll forget that. I hear you breathing gently (snoring) and I feel calm. I recall how I used to love the sound of you both breathing and snuffling in the night when you were tiny babies. I remember my heart used to feel so full of love that it could burst. I realise that now it still feels exactly the same. In fact, maybe even more love has squeezed in there. I realise that as you both get older and more independent we’re going to butt heads. You think you know better, I KNOW I know best. After a day like today it’s easy to think that my everyday is like this but as I sit here, feeling thankful you both went straight to sleep, I realise that today stands out and the fact that today stands out as such a bad day is because it’s actually a rarity. Yes We may have some shit days but by gosh kids. I love you so much, I wouldn’t change it*. I love you all the world with all my heart. Mummy *Well, maybe I’d prefer not to see you between midnight and 6.45am. Just a thought.

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