forty Archives : Me, Annie Bee.

Being Forty is Fabulous – Comparatively Speaking

Anna — Fri, 15 Mar 2019 17:34:05 +0000

I must admit, that turning 40 did lead to a certain amount of maudlin and feeling sorry for myself at times (seriously, not one night of birthday drinks? Totally bitter). A mourning, if you will, for my long-lost youth. Recently though I’ve had a turn around. I’ve given my head a wobble and had a moment of clarity. It’s not actually that bad being 40 – I KNOW RIGHT?! Being forty is fabulous. Yes my chances of travelling the world, having an amazing career and being famous are probably long gone, but I am so thankful that I’m not young these days. But Anna I hear you cry Why wouldn’t you want to be twenty years younger today? Well, take a seat and I’ll tell you why… Dating Dating generally followed a simple step by step procedure. Step 1 – See someone you like, flirt shamelessly. They either roll their eyes and walk away or stick around to chat. Step 2 – Numbers are exchanged. Wonder if they gave you number to shut you up, that’s CLEARLY why they haven’t text after 12 hours. Step 3 – Text arrives and is responded to. Make judgement based on how quickly a reply is received. Too quick, they are desperate, too slow and they maybe aren’t as interested as you think. Step 4 – A few dates are had and either a relationship is formed or the decision to go no further is made and you head back to step one. These days it’s all done online – Tinder, PoF, Bumble, Grindr…they all sound like inappropriate Teletubbies to me. You scroll through, choose a jet-setting model, swipe right, message (aubergines don’t mean you’re having ratatouille for dinner) and meet up. There is an 80% chance they look nothing like their heavily filtered picture (did you really think they had puppy eyes?) and can’t hold a spoken word conversation. This is all too gritty for me. I much prefer the oblivion of being disregarded in public rather than someone looking at my picture and physically rejecting me with a swipe. The idea of chatting in a public are suits me more than messages where I can’t detect tone of voice or whether someone is genuine. Also, a bloke is less likely to wang his dick out in a crowded bar than in your DMs. Technology Specifically music (though my life feels like an abundance of mis-sent messenger messages at times). After our car was written off we had to get a new one. The one thing we were sure to check was whether it had a DAB radio – after all, we’re cool like that. It was only once we’d purchased the car we realised it didn’t have a CD player. WHAT?!? Being the modern sort, I knew I could hook my phone up to the car via Bluetooth – Excellent. I just need to pop some CDs onto my laptop and transfer them to my phone, it couldn’t be easier. What’s that you say? My new laptop doesn’t have a disk drive? SERIOUSLY? How do you get music onto devices these days? What was wrong with the drag and drop system? I don’t understand what Spotify, Deezer or Soundcloud are, I just know I don’t want to pay a subscription for new music. I want to listen to the CDs I own from the olden days (2010). Luckily I have an old laptop so I can rip a CD, put it onto a flash drive, transfer that to my new laptop then drop it on my phone. I THOUGHT TECHNOLOGY WAS MEANT TO MAKE LIFE EASIER!? Invisibility Now this one is both a blessing and curse. Most women of a certain age will agree that we become invisible once we become post 40. Literally no one is paying attention to us, it’s like we cease to exist. We could be saving puppies and old ladies left, right and centre and no one would bat an eyelid. This may sound a little woe but bear with. The plus side of the post 40 invisibility is that we can go to a bar knowing that no one is going to letch over us. I’m not suggesting for a minute I was all that in my younger days but virtually all younger women receive attention from those looking for a mate. Much of the time it is awkward, uncomfortable and unwanted. These days, if someone started chatting to me in a bar there would be no chance of confusion or miscommunication. I would assume he was missing his mum or on a bet. This nicely leads me into… Expectations People see a post 40 woman and assume she has made it to the point they want to be at. They assume that this is you on your chosen path, there will be no upheavals – no great career change. There is also no previous you who existed before this time now. You are just there being a 40 year old woman. The expectations are pretty low. When you’re in your twenties people have so many expectations. Will you go to university? What career path will you take? You can’t bum around forever! What do you want to do with your LIFE? Do you think you’ll get married soon? Will you have babies now or later? So much pressure is put upon you to make a decision, ideally one that determines your life path for the next 50 years. Once you ‘re post forty, people assume you’ve made all those decisions and are midway to your destination. Truth is, if the destination is death then yes, I probably am midway there, but in all honesty? I’m still just winging it. Self-confidence I throw this in there as a woman of a certain age who still lacks self-confidence BUT I have it in abundance compared to in my younger days. When you’re younger there is so much pressure put upon you about how you should look, what you should wear and what size you should be. When I was in my late twenties I was a size 12/14. I thought I was SO fat… but what I would give to be that size again now! Nowadays the only person putting pressure on me to look or be a certain way is me. With age and maturity comes a realisation that you don’t have to please everyone else. You don’t have to conform to the ideals others impose upon you and you can be happy being who you want to be. Though I would happily hand back a few creases that are appearing I wouldn’t hand back the things I’ve learnt over the last twenty years and I certainly wouldn’t want to be young today. Why not head over to The Incidental Parent to check out her thoughts on being young again. In the meantime, if you like it stick a pin in it!

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40 things to do before I’m 40 – maybe

Anna — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 13:57:08 +0000

Welcome to the Year of Anna! Yes, I’m aware we’ve done a quarter of the year already but back in January I didn’t know this would be my year. Not only did I get married (did I mention that?) but I also turn 40! To ‘celebrate’ this decline into middleage, I decided that I, like many before me, would list ’40 things to do before I’m 40′. 40 always seemed so OLD. Then I got to 35 and it seemed so…inevitable. Now, here I am in my 39th year feeling no different to how I felt 20 years ago, except maybe a little creakier and with most of my dreams shattered at my feet. Given that I turn 40 in a mere three months, have two young children and no income, this list is less excting than others and entirely unacheivable. Go on a river cruise I’m starting big, I like the idea of a cruise but I don’t like the sea so much, at least on a river cruise I can see the shore! Learn to speak Russian For no other reason than wanting to sound like an evil genius when I talk! Write a will Who will I leave all my nothing to? Not very exciting but practical, I’m just hoping that by putting it on this list I’ll actually do it if only to be able to tick one thing off! Learn to drive I really should despite knowing that all other drivers will piss me right off. It’d be nice to be able to take the kids to different places so they could whinge at me in a variety of locations. Lose six stone(ish) To be fair six stone is entirely unrealistic in three months, heck I probably couldn’t do it in three years but this is MY list so it’s staying in. Lose 10 years This goes hand in hand with number 5, I have an image in my head, once I lose weight I fully intend to be younger. I’m sure I can turn back the clock somehow…. Grow six inches taller I know, I know – it’s impossible. I’m just really hung up on this image I have of how I’d like to look. I think I actually just want to be someone else! Learn to walk in heels I love a good Irregular Choice mid heel but I walk like a donkey in them. This would help number 7 though. Move to France Unlikey within the time frame, throw in a sensible, accountant husband it’s probably unlikely ever! Be heard Nothing profound here, I’d just like to make a request of my children and them respond. Just once. Be brave Again, not being all warrior. I’d like to tell the people on my shit list that they are on my shit list, how they made it on the list and what they can do to get off it. *Spoiler Alert* there’s no getting off of the list… Meet up with good friends I need to meet friends to eat, drink and chat more. The problem is some live too far away, if I could crack number 4 it might not be such an issue. Public transport is expensive and other people are on it. Eat Sushi This has made the cut because it’s the kind of thing I feel people like to see on lists like this. I don’t like fish. I should imagine I won’t like uncooked fish. It ain’t happening. Get a better skincare regime My name is Anna and I am lazy. In the run up to the wedding I was lotioning and potioning every day, I’ve slacked off now and am swiftly turning back into a lizard person. Become Make-up savvy Not contouring – who even has time for that? Just learn more about what does what. I’ve discovered that primer isn’t just for newly plastered walls, you can use it on your face too. I have no clue what BB cream is though. This could possibly help with number 6. Go to the Doctor I’ve been ‘making an appointment’ for my dodgy hip for two years now. I should probably actually go before I’m 40. Again, like number 3 this is here as something I might actually tick off my list. Learn to cook I’m already a pretty decent cook but my repertoire is a bit repetitive. I’d like to try new, exciting cuisine! Maybe traditional French cooking. Without the duck or veal. Drink less wine And replace it with meths…I jest. I want to drink less wine in order to help with number 5. If I drink less wine then I could reward myself by drinking better quality wine….Ooooo idea! Be more social Not just with people I know but generally. I’m not good at people in real life, I also need to work on my resting bitch face. I think I always look grumpy and unapproachable. I can’t help it, it’s just my face and I’m no good at smiling. Be in more photos Not in a heavily filtered selfie kind of way. I need to appear in more family photos so if I drop dead the kids have something to remind them I actually existed. Find a hobby And stick to it. Something exciting and interesting, that will make me a more interesting person. Ideally without me having to leave the house and talk to actual people. Gah, that’s not very number 19 is it? Make her smile What? Well, there’s this woman I pass on the school run every day, twice a day. Every day I smile, every day she scowls at me, granted Seth growled at her son once but I said sorry and kids do weird shit. Her refusal to smile is awkward but I’m determine to make her crack. Improve my wardrobe I’m sick of looking like one of Mr Maker’s ‘shapes’. I spend so much time looking like a short box. My wedding dress reminded me that, despite being a fatty, I have a waist and a decent rack on me. I need to be showing that off. I used to wear nice clothes all the time before kids. Not assigning blame, just saying. Go to the hairdresser I keep cutting my own hair, it looks OK but it needs a ‘proper’ cut. I just can’t be doing with staring at myself for an hour and small talk isn’t my forte. No I’m not going on holiday, I won’t be out at the weekend and I don’t want curls putting in because it’s 9.30 on a Tuesday morning! If I could sort numbers 5,6 & 19 this one would be a piece of cake. Be Spontaneous I love the idea of just going away last minute. Book it, pack it, fuck off rather than book it, pack it, make a list, repack it, make another list… Write a CV “But Anna- that one is both boring and simple” You’d think! Believe it or not I’m not very good at blowing my own trumpet. I’ve been out of work for seven years now and that’s a pretty large void to fill. “Watching six seasons of Pretty Little Liars and the entire back catalogue of Criminal Minds (and spin offs) in a short space of time” doesn’t feel like a viable, transferable skill. Also I’m so OLD now. Hug a bear Specifically a polar bear. The chances of encountering a polar bear before July are slim. The chances of survival – slimmer still. Makes the list though. Have an idea And the confidence to see it through. Ideally an amazing business idea that will make me loads of money. Can’t be that hard can it? Be more ‘me’ Not as ‘grounding’ as it sounds. I tend to be less ‘me’ in the actual world for fear of offending. I’m hilarious, it’s their problem if they don’t like me. Losers. This attitude could have an adverse effect on number 19 though…. Have a spa Do you have a spa or do a spa? I have no idea! I love the idea of spa-ing(?) but wouldn’t want anyone to have to massage this lardy body. Drink more prosecco I know this counteracts number 18 but that’s starting to look like a bad idea and I really fancy some fizz now. Not cava though, cava has a special place in hell. Draw more Once upon a time there was an artist within me, she is still there loitering and with more to offer than pictures of Hey Duggee and the squirrels! Make fewer excuses It’s so much easier to make excuses than DO stuff. If I could crack this many of 1-34 could actually happen! I’ll get on it. On Monday. Stick at things Are you still reading? 40 is rather a lot. I CBA to think of anymore. Let’s consider 34 a definite fail.

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