fun Archives : Me, Annie Bee.

How to entertain kids at half term

Anna — Thu, 15 Feb 2018 12:57:51 +0000

It’s that time again…Half term is here. If you’re not knee deep in it now, you will be next week. Sorry. We’ve all got to do it. I have written before about how bloody awful I am at half term but the February one is my weakest. The weather is terrible, I’m still skint from Christmas and it’s just all very grey and bleak. I struggle to be motivated. I’m sure I’m not the only parent in this position so I’m going to do you a favour and share with you my suggestions for entertaining the kids this half term! You’re most welcome. Playdough My children are ALWAYS asking to play with their playdough, I normally think of a thousand reasons they can’t. By half term I give in and am SURE they’ll play for hours given their previous desperation. They get out the ten tubs of doughy delight and get creative. Within minutes all colours are swiftly mixed together and firmly trodden into the carpet. There are utterances of dismay because you can’t seperate the blue from the white and then they are bored. Home Cinema You will suggest the new DVD purchased for just this very situation. Your vote will be vetoed and after 20 minutes of bickering they will agree on that film that they watch EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. You’ll grab the popcorn, make sure everyone has a drink, close the curtains and turn out the light. The kids will eat the popcorn in a fashion that suggests they’ve not eaten in a week and are unsure as to where their next meal is coming from. The popcorn is gone and so are they. You realise you’re watching the film, in the dark. Alone. Leaving the house Don’t get ahead of yourself here, nothing exciting, just a trip to the shop. If you’re lucky, you’ll have Pets At Home around the corner for a ‘cheap zoo’ trip. You then pop to the supermarket for the necessities. The children will come over all demanding. They will pick up anything remotely breakable and will swing from you like you’re some human Maypole. They will loudly proclaim their annoyance that you won’t buy them the thing they want and one will refuse to walk. You pay for your wine and head back home. Big Colouring Clever you, putting the left over rolls of wallpaper to good use! Not only creating a fun activity they can do together but being resourceful. Big pat on the back for you parent! The eldest will create an immaculate masterpiece at one end, the youngest will grab the black pen and create something that makes you wonder if you should keep hold of it for future therapy sessions. He will then make his way along to the other end where he will proceed to use his black pen to ‘amend’ the eldests masterpiece. Tears in abundance. Baking A real fun half term activity! They will put on their aprons and be really eager to help you. They will completely disregard the fact that baking is a precise science and all measurements will be slightly out. There will be egg shell in the mixture and you all know they’re only in it so they can lick the beaters clean at the end. You will turn the beaters off. YOU WILL. Crafting You will inevitably have a wobble, you’ll doubt your ability as a good parent and so you’ll bring out the big guns. Crafting. You’ll choose an age appropriate project and meticulously sort tiny pompoms and googly eyes into piles. After cutting out shapes and prepare paints you’ll sit down and show them EXACTLY what to do. They will ignore all instruction and advice. They’ll glue pompoms to their hands and glitter to your table, declare themselves bored and leave you to tidy up. Funducation A bit of education in the school holidays is always good for that parenting ego. I find learning to tell the time is the easiest lesson to teach. “What time is it?” “Is it lunchtime yet?” “How long until lunchtime?” “What time is it now?” “When is dinner?” “Has it been an hour yet?” All of these questions can be used to encourage your child to look at the bloody numbers on the clock and realise that if the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 9 it really is far too early for lunch. It will also help you with your mental agility in working out that it’s only 10 hours until wine o’clock. If done correctly, you should find that these activities will keep your child busy until approximately 11.30am, Monday. You’re on your own after that I’m afraid. Pass the wine.

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Weekly Winedown #23 The Original Dark Horse Cabernet Sauvignon

Anna — Fri, 27 Oct 2017 19:20:53 +0000

Welcome to the Weekly Winedown. Each week I selflessly drink wine for you and offer a review. Please don’t expect anything professional, I consume a lot of wine but I’m no pro. The only real ‘rule’ I’m putting in place is that the wine is to be under £8 a bottle. #keepitclassy. Last week I abandoned ship again, sorry. I was recording a Sunday Snuggle with The Incidental Parent. It’s our new Sunday live thing on Facebook except last week we did it on Friday. It’s complex, probably more than it needs to be. This week the children were away for a few days so I decided I would be really organised and get on top of everything I needed to do, as a good blogger should. Besides, our house is starting to look like an Amazon warehouse. In the name of productivity I watched; So many American Horror Stories back to back that I made myself feel physically ill. Both Pitch Perfect films. A New Life in the Sun. Monday was a write off. It’s a good job I have children as I’d just waste my life watching crap TV otherwise. Onwards and upwards eh? This week I’ve accidentally got an American wine again. It’s a wine Erica was drinking last week and I thought the label looked nice so I ordered it. I neglected to see where it was from or what Erica thought of it. Schoolboy error. Let’s say Hey to The Original Dark Horse Cabernet Sauvignon £7.50 a bottle. The Label The label is smart, silver with a horses head in black and black writing. Not a threatening The Godfather horses head, rather an artistic representation. It’s got a bit of a dark vibe to it. Not too dissimilar to the Diablo logo on the Cassilero del Diablo brand. It’s simple and effective. The Blurb “A bold wine with a big personality, this Cabernet is driven by flavours of blackberry and black cherry, supported by firm tannins and a hint of spice – all leading to a complex finish of dark chocolate espresso.” This sounds pretty exciting, bold with a big personality? Me in a bottle! I jest, can you imagine the size bottle you’d need to fit me in? Dark fruits and spice with a chocolate espresso finish? It sounds immense! Like it’s going to be a good, thick mouthful. Let’s see if this wine is going to be a dark horse! The colour is rich, the scent is like cherry and spiced vanilla. Like a dessert, the kind of dessert you only get at Christmas or special occasions. It’s a little thinner than I would hope not so thin that I couldn’t enjoy it. It is really smooth on the palate, and the bitter sweet chocolate and coffee finish is just amazing. I would absolutely drink this wine again. And again. Name – The Original Dark Horse Cabernet Sauvignon Price – £7.50 Colour – Deep, velvety, rich red. Smell – Cherries and spiced vanilla cream. Taste – Smooth with an amazing chocolate & coffee finish Goes well with – Fancy meals or alone because then you get more. Overall score- 4/5

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Weekly Winedown #18 Tsantali Cabernet Sauvignon

Anna — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 19:30:39 +0000

Welcome to the Weekly Winedown. Each week I selflessly drink wine for you and offer a review. Please don’t expect anything professional, I consume a lot of wine but I’m no pro. The only real ‘rule’ I’m putting in place is that the wine is to be under £8 a bottle. #keepitclassy. This week we are back in the old routine. Aoife has gone back to school and into Year 2 (after a brief fall out about wearing lipstick) What’s THAT about? In three months I’m going to have a seven year old. I’m not old enough to have a seven year old! I sometimes don’t feel old enough to have children at all. Then I see a mirror and am reminded that I am indeed old enough. Then I remember there are actually some people my age who are grandparents. I can’t even get my head round that. This whole ‘time’ malarkey is a bit too swift for my liking. It also seems pretty unfair that as we get old enough to appreciate it, it goes faster. Seth had his preschool home visit this week. He’s not ready for preschool – I’m not ready for preschool. Why are they growing up? I fully expect that I’ll wake up tomorrow and they’ll be 18. Oh, here we go, I’m coming over all drama llama! Let’s talk wine. Say Γειά σας και καλώς ήρθατε to Tsantali Cabernet Sauvignon, a Greek red currently on offer at £7.11. I’ve not drunk much Greek wine. In fact, as far as I know, Retsina is the only Greek wine I have tried. I love Retsina very, very much. That leads me to hope really hard that this Tsantali is a good wine – no pressure. The Label I like, I like it a lot. It’s a simple black, white and red. I say this all the time. These are the colours I’m drawn to. Heck these are the colours of my blog. They just work so wonderfully together. With a hand doodled bunch of grapes and an ink blot that is Greece it’s straight and to the point. Wine made in Greece from grapes. Exactly what it says on the tin bottle. The Blurb “The nose of this Cabernet Sauvignon offers subtle aromas of mint, with a powerful, smooth mix of blackcurrant, blueberry and herbaceous cherry on the palate. This wine is great served at 16-18°C with bacon and mushroom casserole, pork sausages or cheese.” I’ve missed out all the information on the blurb regarding where the vineyards are and the sun and stuff. It was all very interesting but was mostly an exercise in trumpet blowing. Chill out wine maker, I know you’re proud but you don’t need to write the whole story on the bottle! “subtle aromas of mint” Polo anyone? I wonder how subtle it will be? Is my wine going to smell like toothpaste? The palate look good though, blueberries and herbaceous cherries – what could be wrong with that? Other than the fact that I’ll be damned if I know what a herby cherry tastes like. If it’s sage I’m in for a bad sup! Like last weeks Merlot, this wine has been very specific with what it would go well with. Bacon and mushroom casserole. Sounds…..interesting. The smell was a little menthol like. I’d sway more toward a eucalyptus than a polo though, there was also a really tart, blackcurrant scent. The look was glorious. Thick, red and velvety like old cinema seats. The taste was interesting. Bitter but not bad bitter. Bitter cherries. Like it made the back of my tongue jiggle. There was a definite herby or maybe peppery finish. It was beautifully full bodied and once my tongue recovered from the initial bitterness, it became a really mellow drink. I wouldn’t choose this wine again, if I were to drink a Greek wine again I’d choose Retsina. Unless I was on holiday in Greece then I’d give this another go in case it doesn’t travel well. Name – Tsantali Cabernet Sauvignon Price – £7.11 Colour – Velvety red like a posh Santa suit Smell – Tart with a side of eucalyptus. Taste – Bitter, peppery and mellow. Goes well with – I’d try it with a bacon & mushroom butty. Overall score – 2.5/5.

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Weekly Winedown #12 Castello D’alba Douro

Anna — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 19:29:31 +0000

Welcome to the Weekly Winedown. Each week I selflessly drink wine for you offer a review. Please don’t expect anything professional, I consume a lot of wine but I’m no pro. The only real ‘rule’ I’m putting in place is that the wine is to be under £8 a bottle. #keepitclassy. Well, last week was a bit exciting wasn’t it? What I strongly suspected would be dog biscuits turned out to be macarons. BIG WIN. In fact HUGE win. I happily chomped them into this week. Last week also saw an impromptu ‘Winedown’ from York races. If I went more places this would happen more often. I need inviting to wine awards and cocktail shop openings! This week is also pretty exciting, for me. I finally have a recommendation – in a fashion. The wonderful Patricia from White Camellias is lucky enough to reside in warmer, more exotic lands. She suggested that I try a Portuguese wine (she may be a little biased). I hadn’t even thought that Portugal made wine. I mean, everyone makes wine but I thought they just did a lot of Port, that they were good at it and so left it there. But no, it’s not the easiest to come by but I found a bottle and now am REALLY looking forward to it. I’ll admit, I’m going into this expecting that it will be just like Port. I have no cheese though. Mmmmmm port and cheese. Back in the room. This week I am supping Castello D’alba Douro from Portugal. £6.99 from Ocado but the internet tells me I can get it for under £4 a bottle! The label is simple, a bit sexy in fact. Not simple in a CBA way but simple in a ‘what’s inside is so good we don’t need to BA’. It’s confidence is intriguing. The blurb “Tinta Roriz, Touriga Franca and Touriga Nacional native grapes / Upper Douro schist soils.” That’s it. No actual blurb. Just a list of grapes and something about shit schist soils! (Schist is a type of rock, you’re welcome). This wine is so sure of itself, it needs no fancy label. It needs no actual description. It’s so #zerofucks it’s uber cool. This wine is either going to be something special or the worst thing to ever pass my lips and trust me, I’ve consumed some crap. Not literally of course. The smell is, once again, vague. This bad boy is giving nothing away. I’m a bit hayfevery but I get pretty much nothing. Just a real hint of smokiness. Like when you walk through a village in autumn and their fires are burning. The taste. OH. MY. WORD. It’s smooth and gentle with a light spiciness. It’s veering toward being full bodied but with no bitterness. I can’t even say it’s fruity because it is but it isn’t. It’s just amazing. Like the wines you get from the local vineyards in the South of France. Sorry Rory. Sorry the kids. I think I just proper fell in love. This wine has arrived in my life at the perfect time. I’ve been in a funk this week. Partly because we’re getting ready to transition to Year 2 (Aoife, not me) and partly just because. This little beaut has cheered me no end. This is a wine I would give to people I really liked. And because it’s so cheap I’d probably send it by the caseload. Name – Castello D’alba Douro 2014 Price – £6.99 but can be sourced at as little as £4 a bottle Colour – The deepest red, like good furnishings. Smell – Smoky. Taste – Smooth with a slight spiciness. Goes well with – Life. Overall score – 5/5 Yes it’s ACTUALLY amazing. Felicidades

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Weekly Winedown #10 Pardon My French – Minervois.

Anna — Sat, 24 Jun 2017 18:59:26 +0000

Welcome to the Weekly Winedown. Each week I selflessly drink wine for you offer a review. Please don’t expect anything professional, I consume a lot of wine but I’m no pro. The only real ‘rule’ I’m putting in place is that the wine is to be under £8 a bottle. #keepitclassy. Let me start with an apology, I’m sorry for not partaking in a Winedown yesterday. I know, I know. I let you all down but worst of all I let myself down. Or is it the other way round? Or do you even care? I went to watch the rugby and drink beer instead. Karma ensured I will never abandon a Friday again. Rugby requires four basic skills (in no particular order) 1) Catch ball 2) Hold ball 3) Throw ball 4) Run like Billio. Simple you’d think. We lost. HORRIBLY. Let’s speak no more of it. My palate is not a stranger to today’s wine. A few weeks ago my Auntie Anna (yes, we’re a family of very few names) sent me a bottle. She knew I’d appreciate the label, and the contents. Alas she sent the wine on a Monday. There wasn’t a hope in hell it would still be around by the Monday night Friday so I bought a replacement for purpose of review. Please give a warm welcome to Pardon My French, £4.49 a bottle from Aldi. I’m going to start with the label – the reason this wine was chosen for me in the first place. IT’S PERFECT. It’s very ‘En Vogue’ (not the 90s RnB girl group). It’s the outfit I’d like to wear and the life I’d like to live. Like a still from the 50s, the Hollywood one. It’s a label that would encourage me to buy a case of the stuff. Yes, I’m that easily swayed. It’s just so… Bang on trend as the kids would say. The kids still say that right? The blurb “‘Pardon my French’ is a ‘tongue in cheek’ approach, designed to trigger memories and emotions which we’ve captured in every glass. ‘Min Air-Waa get down with the Minervois’. A key Appellation in the Languedoc region of Southern France, with vineyards pushing up into the airy foothills of the dominating Montagne Noire, making attractive, lively and characterful reds mainly from Syrah and Grenache grapes. ‘Min Air-Waa get down with the Minervois’!” That’s a lovely little write up but I need more information than that. I turned to the internet to get a more precise description… “A deep ruby red with intense black fruits, tapenade and liquorice aromas elegantly mixed with soft spices. Well-balanced and structured with silky tannins and a lingering finish.” Now that’s the kind of descriptive description I like. Even if it sounds a little dubious. I’m now looking forward to a glass of berries, memories and emotion (could go horribly wrong) with a smell of olives, liquorice and spices. Well. The aroma is one of moss, which is lovely in general but maybe not in a glass. I am not getting any olives or liquorice. Which is probably a good thing as I don’t REALLY like olives. They’re just confusing grapes. The taste is bitter and rich, like blackberries and spice. Not an elegant taste but a completely drinkable one. It’s warm like autumn and I think would suit being chilled as well (controversial I know). It’s a good party wine. Not to take to the party of your rich fancy friend, if you have those kinds of friends. But you’re normal, totally cool friends will love it if only for the label. I’m still waiting for the memories and emotions. I’m guessing I need to be a few glasses in for them to kick in with effect. I’m hoping for memories of indie discos circa 2008, skinny jeans, elaborate hair and dancing to The Libertines (or The Bravery). Name – Pardon my French – Minervois Price – £4.49 at Aldi (or Aldi, however you say it) Colour – Sexy (not smutty) red. Smell – Like oak and moss. Taste – Sharp and bitter berries. Goes well with – You tubing indie songs from 2004 onwards (Kooks, Panic at the disco, Fall out Boy…Do it!) Overall score – 3.5/5 For the wonderful indie earworms, you’re welcome.

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What kind of Mum are you?

Anna — Mon, 09 Jan 2017 07:00:16 +0000

As a blogging sort I spend a lot of time procrastinating writing. With deadlines looming there’s absolutely only one thing to do – a quick ‘Which DC character are you?’ quiz (Batman of course). Obviously, in the spirit of equality I must then do a ‘Which Marvel character are you?’ quiz (Thor – URGH, No one wants to be Thor) and then a ‘Which female superhero/villain are you?’ (Harley Quinn). As you can tell, I love a good quiz, I always have. It started with the Just Seventeen ‘What kind of friend are you?’ and spiralled from there. In homage to my love of quizzes, I decided to create my very own. So *drum roll* here it is, the one, the only, totally legit… WHAT KIND OF MUMMY ARE YOU? You hear your child shout “Mummy” for the 73rd time that morning, you: A) Reply “Yes darling?” B) Mutter “FFS” under your breath then “yes?” C) Shout “I’m changing my name and not telling you what it is” and stick a beer in the fridge to chill. It’s a rainy, Saturday afternoon, the kids are climbing the walls, you: A) Do some crafting? You always have glitter, glue and pompoms in case of emergency. B) Go to the park? It may be raining but there’ll be no queue for the swings and no OPC. C) Put them in front of the TV? They can enjoy Cbeebies while you drink gin in the kitchen and remember when Saturdays were about shopping for clothes. You finally get a babysitter so you can enjoy date night, you: A) Stay at home? You’re a family, you only do things as a unit now. B) Go for a meal? You spend the whole evening talking about the kids and call the babysitter to check they settled. C) Hammer the shots? You’re free! You’ll deal with the fall out tomorrow when the kids are climbing all over you. Your child wants a friend round for a play date, you: A) Spend time planning a themed play date? Creating games, outfits and even themed food, all homemade of course. B) Make a floor picnic? Maybe play some sedate party games too. C) Buy a couple of pizzas? Drink wine downstairs whilst trying to ignore the banging and crashing upstairs as they clearly trash your house. Your child’s school PTA needs helpers, you: A) Sign up for a variety of stalls? You’ll sell all your raffle tickets AND make enough cakes to single-handedly stock the cake stall. B) Start with the best of intentions? You’ll plan to be parent A but in reality you’ll reluctantly sign up to help at the 11th hour after the third, desperate, email has been sent from the PTA. C) Employ avoidance tactics? You spend a fortnight dropping your child off with the stealth of a ninja – avoiding all eye contact with PTA members and hiding behind trees. You’ll spend the school fayre having a pub lunch. Answers: If you answered mostly A – Congratulations, you’re a fantastic mum, you have your child’s best interests at heart. You love them with every breathe you take and they know that. If you answered mostly B – Congratulations, you’re a fantastic mum, you have your child’s best interests at heart. You love them with every breathe you take and they know that. If you answered mostly C – Congratulations, you’re a fantastic mum, you have your child’s best interests at heart. You love them with every breathe you take and they know that. You maybe drink a little too much though… We should meet up sometime! Cheers.

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The hardest thing about being a parent..IMO

Anna — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 21:29:49 +0000

Order is restored! Or at least something resembling order is restored. Aoife is back at school, Rory is back at work and Seth is watching Toy Story 2 back to back whilst dressed as Buzz Lightyear. Standard. Having been a lazy bum and taking a couple of weeks away from blogging and shameless self promotion I’m a bit tired so I decided to ease myself back into it gently and go for a Top Ten. Here’s the Top Ten things I found hardest about becoming a parent, or more specifically a Mummy for that’s what I am. Child Birth Yes, I know this is obvious but I didn’t read past week 33 in my ‘How to be pregnant’ book. It wasn’t all “oh my gosh, I peed myself…no wait my waters broke”…*scream like a banshee*….baby after 30 mins. It took days, neither child was in a hurry. It was painful, I sparkled, I cried, I was rude to the midwife, it was undignified, it was exhausting! Shitty Nappies Again yes, I’d HEARD about them but nothing. NOTHING can prepare you for an explosive, up the back, out the sides shitty nappy. The one where you have to hold legs in the air, cut baby out of the vest and wipe all at the same time.It’s on their hands, it’s on their feet, at least it’s not on….no way, how did it get there? IT’S ON THEIR HEAD. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE. Not laughing at ‘not good’ behaviour Obviously the biting and wall drawing isn’t a laughing matter, but the sass. Well, as much as I don’t admit it to Aoife, it’s HILARIOUS. Like the time Rory asked her to pick something up, she replied “Give me a minute woman”. Or the time I put her on the naughty step and took away her treats. “Will I still have food & water?” “Yes” “Oh I’ll be fine then”. Sometimes you just have to walk away and laugh. Without them knowing of course. Sneezing Coughing, laughing, crying, sparkling, running, dancing, jumping. All not just hard, almost impossible! Appreciating the things that are important to them Instead of being a destroyer of dreams and imagination, you have to appreciate every leaf/pine cone/stone/receipt placed into your bag because it’s “really beautiful” or “magic” or “stone”. It’s so hard to not point out your dismay at your handbag or pocket being full of snotty tissues and detritus. Being a parent ALL THE TIME. It’s nonstop! Even if you get some time away you think about them and talk about them. If you don’t think about them then you think how you should take it easy as you’re going to have to go home and be up with them in the night. If you have the kind of children that sleep through then you’re still thinking about looking after them with a hangover. The parenting just doesn’t stop! Finding a babysitter. When you announce you’re pregnant with your first child all your friends will tell you how excited they are and how they’ll babysit. LIES. As soon as baby arrives it becomes “I’ll babysit when they sleep through” then “I’ll take them to the pub at 18”. It’s not like the Babysitter Club books I read as a child!! Guilt Mummy Guilt/Daddy Guilt, call it what you want. It’s intense! Before children I didn’t do guilt but childbirth brings this whole new emotion. Every decision you make leads to a feeling of guilt. Everything you say leads to a feeling of guilt. Every time you leave them, every time you don’t. Every time you tell them off, every time you don’t. “I am too hard on them, I’m too soft on them, I’m abandoning them , I mollycoddle them” OH MY GOSH. I will also put crying in here. I have cried so much more in the last 6 years than I ever did in my previous 32! I have even cried at Four Weddings and CSI. Dealing with your body and mind It changes so much, at first it feels like it’s not your own. It gets big, it starts to behave differently. If you’re breast feeding it can feel like it’s completely someone else’s. It gets fatter due to ‘baby weight’, loneliness, sadness, boredom, habit. Your mind can be vicious, making you question everything. Making you paranoid. Making you feel bad about you and your parenting. Mix the two together and it’s a pretty rough time. I’d love to say you deal with it like this….but I still don’t have an answer. Baby groups/School playgrounds URGH. All these other Mummy’s just being amazing, looking fantastic and coping. They breastfeed so well, they look amazing, their children behave, some of them have actual jobs as well as being a mum. Their children love Baby Einstein and only listen to Beethoven, in fact, give Sebastian a toy piano and he can compose a tune, HE’S ONLY 8 MONTHS OLD! They never look harassed and have never dropped the F-Bomb in front of their children. When you’re tired, feeling fat and lonely THIS is one of the hardest things, this leads me to Pretending OK, I know I said Top Ten but I don’t like to conform. Being a parent is pretending all the time. We pretend we’re coping, we pretend we know what we’re doing, we pretend we’re happy with our smock dress, we pretend we’re not comparing ourselves to every other parent we see, we pretend every single minute of parenting is a breeze. It’s a tough act to keep up. We should all probably drop the pretending and then my Top Ten would be a legit Top Ten. Aside from all that, this parenting lark is a piece of cake.

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

Anna — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 15:04:26 +0000

Christmas is my favourite time of year, definitely my hap-happiest season of all. I watch too many made for TV Christmas films and aspire to romance that doesn’t exist that way, to live in a lovely lodge type home in Perfectville USA where everyone knows everyone and it snows at Christmas. To have garlands round the open fire, a Christmas tree in every room and throw amazing Christmas parties. Oh a girl can dream. We may not have parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting or caroling out in the snow. Aside from our dying tree (it looks OK from afar, like outside) we are Christmas ready. Our bakes have been baked and our makes made. Gifts have been sent to the big man to see if we’re good enough to get them back. Aoife has broken up from school and both children are getting suitably giddy. Trev the turkey will arrive tomorrow, as will my parents, Rory will be off work and we will start a fun few festive days with lovely events, friends, family and good cheer. Hearts will be glowing as loved ones will be near. As I will be busy with all these holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends come to call, and wine, my little blog will be taking a break until New Year. But before I smother myself in eggnog and dive into a vat of rum (let the festivities begin!!) I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. This year has been one of parenting ups and downs, mountains – ups and downs, running – ups and downs. It’s been an up and down kind of year and yet you’re still here. Although I’ve been at this for 11 months my blog still feels pretty new and I feel like a total noob, despite that, folk have still been reading and, for the most part, enjoying so thank you for taking the time out of your life and bothering to read what I write. My family and I wish you the most Merry Christmas and prosperous New Year. I hope yours is a time filled with good company, peace, joy, love and wine (or whatever it is that makes you truly happy). See you in 2017!

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Things their mother said…

Anna — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 18:02:00 +0000

“Please can I leave the table?” “Well you can’t take it with you” I was about eleven when I finally got what this meant! More and more recently I’ve caught myself sounding like my mum. Now don’t get me wrong, my mum is fantastic but I’m sure we can all think back to our childhood and remember things our grown ups said that made no sense at all and resulted in us rolling our tiny eyes or just thinking “what are you chatting about woman? I always told myself I wouldn’t say those weird, nonsensical kinds of things. Ever….. “I don’t care if X’s parents let them do that, if X jumped off a bridge would you want to?” Why would I even ask that? It’s not like Aoife is going to turn around and say “actually Mummy, I would.” Unless she meant she’d bungy jump. In which case I’d reply with a swift “Over my dead body”. “I’ve spent ages slaving over a hot stove cooking this meal just for you” What the actual heck? For starters, who in the 21st century calls it a stove? It’s an oven. I’m pretty sure that all over the world it’s called an oven. I don’t think it’s been called a stove since the early 1900s. Secondly, I’ve not ‘slaved’ by any stretch of the imagination. I cooked a while. It probably took maybe half an hour. I was not forced. I did it by choice. There was no slavery of any sorts involved in cooking the meal which, to be fair, I probably wouldn’t eat either as I have tried to cunningly hide about seven different vegetables in it. “We look with our eyes, not with our hands!” Obviously we look with our eyes. We FEEL with our hands. Could I be more patronising? I also don’t know why I always say ‘we’. I have absolutely no problem with touching stuff that isn’t mine. “If you don’t tidy those toys away I’ll just throw them all in the bin” No I actually won’t, for two reasons. 1) I spent money on those toys and I’m not just throwing them away. Worst case scenario for the children is I’ll send them to a refuge. The toys not the children. 2) I really can’t be bothered to gather the toys and put them anywhere. If I could be bothered I’d tidy them away myself. “I spent good money on that and you don’t even appreciate it” This makes the least sense, what is ‘good’ money? How does it differ from ‘bad’ money? I don’t have a secret stash of ‘bad’ money lying around to buy things that shouldn’t be appreciated. And of course my children don’t appreciate stuff, they are 2 & 5. They don’t know what it means to appreciate so they can’t appreciate. Besides, they’re at a time in life where shit just appears whenever they want it, and sometimes when they don’t. “Why do I waste my breath?” Well, mainly so that I feel like I have a bit of a grip on this rollercoaster ride called parenting and probably to also reassure myself of my own existence every now and then. There’s nothing like the sound of your own voice to remind you you’re alive in the midst of an existential crisis. “Why would you do that?” Generally used when something has been drawn on or broken, the answer is obvious. Curiosity! ‘Would red look good on this wall?’ ‘What does this do?’ ‘How does this work?’ THAT’S why they would do that. “I am so disappointed” I don’t have the energy to let you know how very fucking cross I am when I know that you really couldn’t care less and will likely go do that VERY same thing again in a minute. “Why do I bother?” Well. And this one is the most obvious. It’s because I love you so much and would move heaven and earth for you. That’s why I bother.

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“I love you with all my heart, well, most of it”

Anna — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 09:21:00 +0000

We’re into week three of the summer holidays (though someone clearly forgot to inform the sun) We’ve had a couple of fall outs, a LOT of chattering, a close escape, a fair bit of foot stamping and declarations of inhumanity, a LOT more chattering and not enough wine. That’s just in the five days since the children returned from my parents. I’m working on this whole ‘being positive’ thing still. Trying to focus on the good things in life and not get dragged down by all the horrible crap going on in the world. Being thankful and grateful for all that I have. I will confess that this morning was a struggle. I woke up to Aoife lying in bed next to me arguing. With me. I hadn’t even opened my eyes and I was wrong! So this morning, the first ‘thoughts of thankfulness and gratefulness’ were “Thank you that I am blessed with a daughter who’s imagination is so great it can create an argument with a sleeping person. Thank you that my daughter knows her mind enough and is confident enough to speak it, loudly, even when she might not be correct. Thank you for blessing her with a voice so loud that if she were ever to get lost we would totally hear her shouting. Or telling someone how wrong they are.” I hope the universe is as satisfied as I was with myself for finding some positives there! The school holidays get more challenging every time they come around. Mostly because Seth is getting older and so he and Aoife not only interact more, but they wind each other up more too. She takes his box and sits in it. He takes her brioche right out of her hand and crams it in his mouth so she can’t retrieve it. She takes his trains. He takes her cake. When we decided to have a second child, I had this lovely, romantic notion that Aoife would be like a mother hen at first and as time went on they would play wonderfully together and maybe I’d be able to leave them to play together whilst I enjoyed a quiet cup of coffee or had a wee in peace. We’d do lots of wonderful activities together like crafting and baking and we’d look like one of those perfect families that you see on other peoples social media/blogs. I was deluded. They have had their funny moments though. Thankfully. “Your dress is bigger because you have quite a big tummy” “I’m NOT chasing him, I’m walking slowly where he’s running. In fact HE is chasing me really.” “We’re not running, it’s called speed walking” “I was what?” “8lb 2” “And Seth was?” “8lb 10” “So, I was, like, 8p cheaper?” “I love you and Daddy with all of my heart. Well actually, I love you, Daddy and Seth with most of my heart. I love Grandma and Grandad and all the other people I love with the rest”. “When you read the bits where people are talking I want you to do it in a French voice” “Can we have pizza for tea tomorrow please?” “I don’t have one in, Ohh I could make you one though” “No, don’t worry, just buy one” “But I make nice pizza!” “You really don’t, it’s terrible pizza” “Right, go up to your room now!” “Umm EXCUSE ME! That was RUDE!” “Upstairs, NOW.” “NO” “Oh” Although it’s kind of funny (or would be if it were someone elses child) this last one is a killer. What do you do in that situation? You’ve got to the point where you’re sending them to their room or the naughty step and they point blank refuse? It’s like the last resort of telling off and they completely ignore it rendering you a huge fail! Hog tying is frowned upon, I’m at a loss! Still, only 28 days more to go!

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