A letter to George

Dear Mr Osbourne,

Can I call you George?
Today is YOUR day,George, your time to shine!
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t envy you one bit. I really wouldn’t like the pressure of trying to balance the books of the country but you chose the job. Good on you!
It must be so hard to decide where you will actually cut spending. I mean how do you decide who should pay more, who should get less?

It’s a bit like taking dinner money from the other kids at school isn’t it?
Like you wouldn’t go and ask the bigger kids (who maybe haven’t even been paying full price for their lunch) for their dinner money would you? They’d just say no (or maybe even punch you) and that’d just make your job of taking dinner money from folk more difficult. Instead you go to the smaller kids. The new girl at school with no friends, the boy who hasn’t has his growth spurt yet and so is smaller and maybe weaker than everyone else. They’re the ones who it’s easier to take the dinner money from and the best thing is the more you take their money, the more upset and worn down they become so maybe you could take their snack money too George, you might as well while they’re feeling so down and unsupported. After all they probably don’t need it that much anyway do they?
I see where you’re coming from George, I don’t agree, but I see why it’s easier to cut benefits to disabled people who need assistance, for example, than to chase large corporate companies with very clever solicitors who don’t pay the appropriate taxes in this country. Maybe the loopholes that enable them not to pay the appropriate taxes could be closed or is that a bit tricky?

I’m not some professional like, say, the Chancellor of the Exchequer. I’m just a mum but I have a couple of money saving ideas maybe you hadn’t thought of.

1) Maybe MPs shouldn’t get a payrise of 10%. Yes I KNOW you all work terribly hard and only have around 15 weeks holiday a year, but 10% seems rather excessive especially when many workers are getting maybe 2-3% at most (if they’re lucky) and only have about 5 weeks holiday a year. It’d have the added bonus of making you look more ‘human’ as well! Winner.

2) Now, I need you to bear with me here. Get rid of second homes for MPs. (It may seem like I’m picking on MPs but it’s for the greater good!) Now I KNOW that for some people London is rather a long way away from their home constituencies so they own/rent a second home for those odd days that they are in London. Unfortunately some MPs are so busy being busy that they’re not very good at expenses and may accidentally claim for things they shouldn’t. My plan would avoid this.
Buy an old, large building and renovate it into a hotel. MPs can stay at this hotel at a reduced rate when they’re in London. They can access Wi-Fi, have a desk in their room. A nice bar and restaurant, maybe even a gym. (My uncle and my brother both work away a lot and rather than have a second home this ‘hotel’ idea appears to be standard practice for the ‘normal’ person)
So far you may be thinking ‘pfft this is a silly idea Anna’.
Bear with me George.
This hotel has been funded by government and has been renovated by skilled builders who’ve taken on apprentices. The hotel will be staffed by apprentices who are looking for a future in business management, hospitality, catering. Not only will you be saving loads of money by not having unnecessary extra homes (and all the expenses that go with it like food, drink, bills, dog washers) but you will be GIVING BACK to the community by offering younger people the chance to gain work experience and qualifications. The hotel will be near to Westminster so you can WALK to work rather than claim expenses on taxis and, in the 15 weeks you’re not in London, actual commoners could stay in the hotel too so it will continue to make money.

I have lots of other ideas if you’re interested but you’ve got a budget to get to.
You have a great day George, enjoy your moment and we wait with anticipation to see who you’re shafting this time.

Lots of Love
Anna

PS this blog is usually about children and stuff so let me tell you about last night.
Aoife woke at around midnight and needed the loo so I took her to the toilet. I was making small talk about how cold it was and she said
“Mummy, can you just be quiet please, I don’t want you to talk while I wee”
This from the girl who spent a year singing “Do you want to build a snowman” outside the toilet door everytime I had a wee!
Really!? She’s hilarious George. Hilarious.