These ugg boots aren’t made for walking.

We all have something we irrationally hate, something that stirs an inner rage and we’re not even sure why.

My list includes, but is not limited to:

Tess Daly

OPC

Text speak

Orange fake tan

Peppa Pig

Barcelona

The Magic Numbers

X-Factor

Stupid people (obvs I don’t mean YOU – only brilliant people read my blog)

Bad Manners

Chuggers

AND

Ugg Boots

I hate Ugg Ugh boots.

With a passion.

I actually believe the ugg boot is Australia’s revenge on us for sending our criminals to their fair land.
Apparently frequently wooping us at Rugby and taking the majority of the Burgess brothers wasn’t quite enough…
They spent YEARS coming up with the perfect plan and the ugg was it!

I imagine the conversation went like this (please forgive my Australian accent):

Australia “Hey, you know how we have lots of sheep running around? Well we used them to create these fancy boots. We call them ugg boots”

England “Lolz it sounds like Ughs”

Australia “Yeah, that’s a coincidence. Anyway, we know that you love to walk up mountains green with your ancient feet and we think these would be great for the job”

England “Firstly, we don’t ACTUALLY walk up the mountains that often – they’re mostly in Scotland and Wales anyway. Secondly, they don’t look like they’d be a good mountain boot – I think you’re pulling my leg”

Australia “Mate, we gave you Home & Away, Neighbours, Priscilla Queen of the Desert and KYLIE…When have we ever sent you a dud? I’m not gonna lie, I’m offended. We just thought they’d go nicely with that green and pleasant land of yours.”

England “You’re right, you have only sent us good things and I see no reason you’d ever have cause for revenge on us. EVERYONE is wearing them you say?”

Australia “Yes, everyone in Australia is wearing these. So here, take these sheepy shoes and enjoy”

That was literally all they had to do, once the seed had been planted and America had thrown in some fancy marketing, we were sucked right in.

People began to consume ugg boots without question, paying for the privilege of wearing an entirely useless shoe!

Don’t get me wrong, I am the owner of MANY a useless shoe.
I confess to owning ‘sitting shoes’, ‘standing a short while shoes’ and ‘taxi shoes’ but will forgive them anything for they are beautiful.

Uggs though, are not.

Uggs are, as the name suggests, ugly.

They have no definition, they’re a suede-y blob on a badly thought out sole.

Offering no ankle support, if you step into a pothole your ugg will not be there for you.
General use causes them to collapse underneath you resulting in the wearer walking on the side of a slouchy mass of sheepskin.
They barely even attempt to fulfil their role of aider of walking and protector of feet.

The ugg transforms the wearer from a confident strider to a mere street shuffler.
They are useless in the rain and are ruined if they get muddy.

Sold to us as a winter boot, they are merely a warm slipper!

Heck, Australians wear them as slippers which is a sure sign the joke is on us!

The problem is, it didn’t stop there.

They were pitched to us initially as a must have winter boots (that could withstand nothing more that mild drizzle), but we’ve moved on. Now they’re embraced as an all season boot that can be worn with jeans, leggings, skirts and dresses.

You see girls in short shorts with Ugg boots on.
What’s going on there?

How are your feet freezing but your legs mafting?

Is that even possible?

Our nation has been subjected to shuffling rather than walking.
Collapsed arches and knee injuries.
Young people wearing pyjamas as outdoor clothes.
Confusion as to how to dress for the weather and the wearing of an actual slipper as a winter boot.

And just as it seems the trend is finally fading, winter comes round again and they’re back, evolving all the time!

Fair play to you Australia, your revenge was sweet.
You got us good!

***Just to clarify, when I talk about ugg boots I mean ugg boots the boot NOT UGG the brand.

Though they also make ridiculous shoes for example furry sliders.
Don’t even get me started on sliders, socks should NEVER be worn with flip flops.
Unless you’re a Geisha.

And Gladiator sandals? Pfft.