Happy 18th birthday Google (other search engines are available)

One of the best inventions for any parent/new parent is the smart phone.
Not because it keeps you in touch with other adults via phone calls and social media. Not because we can enforce photos of our little angels 24hrs a day on people whether they like it or not.
Oh no no no, because it means that Google is right there, in your hand, night or day with all the answers you desire and some you really don’t.

I try not to use Google to diagnose illness, we all know you can go from a cough to death in three easy steps if you look at the internet too hard, but I have found myself searching a variety of random things over time.

Does my baby sleep enough?

Does my baby sleep too much?

When do babies get teeth?

How to sooth colic.

When do I wean?

When do babies walk?

When do babies talk?

Define ‘neurotic’.

What should a babies/toddlers/child temperature be?

What should a babies/toddlers/child heart BPM be?

When do free nursery hours start?

Cheap flights to New York.

How to tell off your child when the naughty step doesn’t work.

Why does my toddler keep pushing his fist into his mouth until he gags?

How to stop a toddler running away.

How to teach a toddler ‘STOP’

How to lose weight.

Cuvee du golfe de Saint Tropez (red) sellers UK.

How to prevent tantrums.

How to deal with tantrums.

Should my two year old talk yet?


Why does my five year old constantly talk/sing/make noises?

Why are my children attention seeking when they have all my attention?

Cheap flights to France.

How to stop toddler pulling hair/scratching others.

How to stop five year old being mean.

Why is my hair falling out?

Toddler keeps lying down in road, why?


How to explain respect to a five year old.

How to make children sleep longer.

Property abroad.

What to do with a child who doesn’t care about repercussions?

How to tell off a  toddler who doesn’t care if you shout.

How to stop toddler throwing stuff.


How to explain to five year old why they should behave.

How to stop children hanging off me/touching me without making them feel unwanted.

Engagement rings (it’s good to dream)

Cheap flights for one adult.

How to stop toddler trying to eat stones.

Weather for *current location*.

Wine offers.

All these questions and dilemmas,  despite there being millions of search results to all my queries, only about 4 have ever been successfully resolved.

It turns out Google is just like most 18 year olds, think they know it all but actually full of useless information.

I jest, of course (please don’t sue me).



Thanks for reading, I'd love to know what you think.

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