We’ve all been there.
Come November, some industrious sort in the office will decide that running a workplace based Secret Santa is a good idea, and look to get everyone involved. You are starting to get in the Christmas spirit and so sign up, only to get allocated Mary in HR to buy for. That’s Mary who you have tried and failed to start a kitchen based conversation with a couple of times, only to get a blank/ pitying look, and who would no doubt start proceedings if what you bought in good humour was deemed even slightly inappropriate.
Flashes of Sheldon Cooper with the University Head of HR flash through your head:
Scene: The Human Resources Department. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. `(Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. HR Woman: Come in. Sheldon: Hello. HR Woman: Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat. Sheldon: Thank you. HR Woman: I called you in today because your assistant Alex Jensen has lodged a complaint against you. Sheldon: So I’ve been told. But I can’t understand what she has to complain about. I mean, she has a front-row seat as I make scientific history. There’s string cheese in my mini-fridge, and that’s for anyone. Yeah, and just yesterday I led her away from a life of sexual promiscuity by making her look at pictures of disease-ridden genitalia. HR Woman: Cancel my next appointment. This is gonna take a while. Dr. Cooper, you said things to your employee that you just cannot say in the workplace. Sheldon: Like what? HR Woman: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don’t even know what that means, but I’m gonna go ahead and tell you you can’t say it. Sheldon: Oh! I see the confusion here. No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No. I meant that all women are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You’re a slave. HR Woman: I’m a what? Sheldon: Well, y-you, I-I’m just saying, you know, at a certain point in a woman’s menstrual cycle… HR Woman: Whuh-ah! Woah! You can’t talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper. Your language is entirely inappropriate, and I’m gonna advise that you shut your mouth right now.
We’ve all been there.
So…. you try to ask around on the down low as to whether anyone has an insight of what she might like as, for the allocated budget, you want to get something suitable, partly if not exclusively so that karma means you receive something appropriate rather than another Borat mankini (which was an old joke the first time it happened). You come up with zilch from your esteemed colleagues so look for inspiration, staying fairly safe but delivering quality.
You sit in your chilly front room, thinking of warmer climes and warmer times and, whoosh, in flies the idea of a candle. In particular a clean, scented candle, one that whisks you away to balmy, lush places with a signature set of iconic garden scents layered with lush leaves and light florals. Great, that’s one idea, unless of course Mary is pyrophobic or allergic to wax.
Next, you realise you have been sat with your feet up on the table for a while during your ruminations. This gets you thinking about whether something long lasting and sustainable might be the way to go – rather than something you literally set fire to. You come across Olive World Co. and their range of highly rated, renewable products both for the home and day to day life. You notice their range of products in the Secret Santa price bracket and settle, after grabbing yourself a much needed clothing storage solution, for a bamboo toothbrush set. You order, sit back, relax, and then wake at 3am in a cold sweat, fearing you have just insinuated that Mary has the breath of a devil hound. Back to the drawing board.
You then recall a previous Christmas do and that Mary seemed to be having a good chat with Joe from marketing after a couple of glasses of vino. Wine. That could be the answer – isn’t it usually? The best wine gift ideas are those that have an element of the personal touch – so you build your own gift set, check the delivery times and get on with buying presents for those you actually care about.
The day comes, the presents are handed out and, what’s that, the hint of a smile as Mary rips the Christmas Minecraft wrapping paper from her present? Job done.
Then it is your turn and, needless to say, karma is a bitch….
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